We have recently moved back to the UK from living overseas. One of my big concerns was always about falling back in with the old crowd of friends that we know locally, or rather not falling back in. They have all moved on and had babies who are now toddlers or young children. My anticipation was that they wouldn't want to do the same things as us anymore as their focus would be elsewhere. So it was high on my radar that I would probably have to make a big effort to make new friends whose lives perhaps didn't revolve around children - nothing personal to the old crowd - just one of those things. So people may be interested to know what the reality was?
It is exactly that: their socialising now revolves around their children, and so you aren't invited. They either view you as the people who don't want children and assume you don't want to be bothered with such functions, or else when they know of the challenges you have faced, they think it is better to not extend the offer of an invite to you.
No harm is meant, I'm know, but it is very interesting as to how people react. Rather than tell you what is going on and explain why they are being the way they are, or to give you the option to attend, you just don't get invited. Best not hurt your feelings by not telling you; and well, as someone who was already braced for such behaviours it hasn't much bothered me, but it is kind of sad. Things do come to pass as you anticipate, a little.
We're very lucky - old university and school friends are the same as ever and no change, and we have a circle of single or childless friends so we don't feel alone. But I can see how some people could feel a bit like they have been 'banished to Siberia' if they didn't have that wider network.
So if there is any young person reading this, I know having a baby may seem like a long way off to you, even when you are in your twenties, but please bear in mind that one of the challenges of leaving having a child till later is the above - to be fair, this could be the challenge even at a younger age, but the risk is higher the later you leave it. Some of your friends will easily have their children later in life with no problem, and you could be the statistical one in five that has fertility problems. This is a complete lottery - it may not be you, and for your sake I hope it isn't, but as it has to be someone it could be. Just bear that in mind next time when you think of delaying trying for a child, or dealing with any friends of yours who are childless.
